Sports Esteem

In 1996 at the age of 20, Tiger Woods started playing professional golf and began a new chapter in his then 18 year run in the public eye. At the age of two, Tiger appeared on The Mike Douglas Show along with comedian Bob Hope in a demonstration of putting skills. At age 5, he appeared on the television show That's Incredible. Tiger shot his first hole-in-one at age 6. At age 8, he won his first junior world championship. From the first time Tiger Woods saw his dad play golf, Tiger had a passion for the game. His entire youth focused on mastering the game both physically and mentally. For parents who want big things for their child, Tiger's success provides some great lessons.

1. Expose your child to many opportunities.

Tiger's dad, Earl Woods, played baseball for Kansas State University and at one point probably had dreams that his son would follow in his footsteps. When Earl starting playing golf at the age of 42, he developed a strong love of the game and spent many hours practicing. Earl shared this love of golf with his son and gave Tiger the opportunity to develop his own passion.

Not all kids will share their parent's enthusiasm for a particular activity. But, if parents don't share these activities with their children, kids may not know these opportunities exist. Exposing kids to a wide variety of activities and sports is the best way to help kids identify their own passions.

2. Foster your child's love of the game.

As a child, Tiger could not get enough of golf. He loved practicing and pushed himself to improve his game and his scores. His parents spent many hours taking Tiger to practice and providing him the resources to improve.

When a child shows expertise in a sport, it is easy to believe that the parents must have played a strong role in pushing their child to excel. When parents are the driving force behind a child's success, children quit at the first chance they get. When kids are the driving force behind their own success, then their success continues long past the time they can get beyond their parents' influence.

3. Don't hold children to adult standards too early.

Even as a child, Tiger was extremely competitive and constantly pushed himself to break par on a course even though he lacked the physical development required to do so. His dad came up with a "Tiger Par" which was always a few strokes higher than actual par. "Tiger Par" gave Tiger a chance to gain confidence and measure himself by his own standards of improvement rather than by standards designed for adults.

Kids need to gain confidence in their ability to play sports. Children's perceived sense of skill often determines how hard they work to improve. Like adults, kids invest time where they gain the greatest sense of accomplishment and recognition.

4. Don't push them too fast.

At 12 years old, Tiger was invited to play the blue tees (the ones farthest from the hole) at a tournament in order to compete for the overall tournament championship. Tiger refused saying that there would plenty of time to compete later. Tiger stayed in his own age bracket. Tiger always pushed himself to compete but was content to let his game develop before making the jump to the next level of play.

It is tempting for parents and coaches to encourage kids to move up to the next age or skill level so they can develop more quickly. Yet by moving too quickly, kids often fail to gain the confidence that comes from being one of the better players in a group. Though playing select or travel sports may have certain bragging rights, playing with confidence will have a better impact on a child's success over the long term.

5. Let coaches do their job.

At the age of four, Tiger's parents sought out help from a local golf pro who helped Tiger develop his game. Since then, Tiger has always relied on coaches to improve his game. Tiger's parents kept working with Tiger to develop his character and mental toughness but stepped aside to let the pro develop Tiger's golf skills.

Watching, playing and teaching athletic activities all require very different skills. Just because some can play well doesn't mean they can teach well. Parents need to seek out instructors and coaches for their child who are good at teaching young players and then let these instructors do their job.

6. Don't shirk your own responsibilities.

In his first Master's Tournament as a professional, Tiger's first nine holes were close to a disaster. The reporters were already starting to write off his chances for a victory. But, Tiger demonstrated a mental toughness that not only let him fix his game but also gave him the ability to rally. He became the youngest player ever to win the Master's, breaking the course record in the process.

Tiger's success does not come just from his skills, but also from his ability to stay focused and not become distracted by previous efforts or outside events. Though coaches certainly helped Tiger with the skills he needs, Tiger credits his parents with giving him the character and self-discipline needed to apply those skills. Letting kids get by with things because of their athletic accomplishments fails to give them the non-physical conditioning they will need in difficult situations.

7. Don't focus on mistakes.

While learning his game, Tiger missed thousands of shots. But he doesn't dwell on those shots. When Tiger was 6, he competed in his first international tournament. Tiger's first shot off the tee went straight down the middle. When his dad asked him later on what he was thinking, Tiger replied "Where I wanted the ball to go." He went on to finish eighth in the tournament, beaten only by 10 year olds.

In any sporting game, even at the professional levels, athletes make mistakes. They miss balls, drop catches, fall and fail to make passes. The more players concentrate on avoiding mistakes, the less likely they are to concentrate on having successes. Helping kids visualize success by not dwelling on mistakes is an important lesson parents can teach their children.

8. Keep the relationship healthy.

After the win at the Master's tournament, Tiger, like he almost always does, headed straight for his mom and dad and gave them big hugs. They had all sacrificed for this moment and it had paid off. Behind this victory was almost twenty years of working together to facilitate Tiger's dream of becoming a great golfer.

The road to any life success is a long one. One good game or one bad game matters very little in the overall scheme of things. Parents need to keep things in perspective and not let their own embarrassment or emotions get the better of them too many times. Parents who let their relationship with their child become affected by a sports performance will either see their kids quit playing early or see them hug someone else first after their big moment.

Tiger's Parents Made it Happen

It is a common myth that Tiger Woods' parents, especially his dad, pushed golf on Tiger. The reality is that Tiger Woods was born to play golf the same way Mozart was born to write music. Tiger Woods' parents didn't push golf on Tiger but they did help him navigate the challenges along the way. Tiger may have been born with the skills, but his parents helped match him with the opportunities, the instructors and the life-lessons he needed to apply those skills in a successful way.

Not every child is a born golfer or even a born athlete. Most kids playing sports today will find their life passion somewhere other than sports. For parents who want the best for their child, the approach that Tiger Woods' parents used is a good road map to help those dreams become reality.

Last week's post covered the 10 commitments that coaches should expect from parents. When these commitments are missing, coaches may find the team or a player suffering as a result. Here are some ideas for working through this problem.

1. Assume parents are trying to help. In spite of what parents may be doing, most are behaving as they are because they believe their actions will benefit their child. Many times parents may be repeating inappropriate behaviors that were used with them when they played sports.


2. Educate parents about best practices. If parents are working in their child's best interests but are going about it wrong, then coaches can give parents alternative behaviors that will accomplish the desired results.


3. Communicate frequently with parents as individuals and as a group. The more parents and coaches are at ease talking with each other about small issues, the more parents and coaches will be comfortable talking about more difficult issues.


4. Rely on beginning of season communications. If the coach has held a meeting early in the season and given parents a clear set of goals and playing philosophies, coaches can go back to those to statements to restart the relationship.


5. Seek help from league officials. Don't hesitate to discuss a problem parent with the supervising league official. This provides an opportunity to gain insight into the parent or the problem as well as alerting others to a difficult situation.


6. Seek advice from other coaches. With coach turnover, coaches are seeing problems with parents and parent issues that have been resolved many times by other coaches before them.


7. Use parent meetings to form consensus and invoke peer pressure. Parent meetings are good times to set expectations for team parent behavior and discuss them. Parents are more likely to act in ways that they believe are supported by other parents.


8. Rely on printed league statements and codes of conduct. In extreme situations, coaches may need to reference the league's Code of Conduct to warn that current behavior may risk league actions. Coaches should use the league as the enforcer of these policies.

There is no standard approach to parent problems. A strategy focusing on communication, education and enforcement gives coaches the best chances of resolving parent issues.

Athletic ability is not judged by doing something well one time, but by doing something well many times. Consistency is critical to an athlete's success. Teams depend on the consistency of their players to put together a winning game or season.

Consistency is made up of several elements that work together including:

• Physical conditioning - Will a player's body be able to perform on the 10th time like it did on the first time?


• Mental conditioning - Can a player stay focused no matter what the score or time remaining?


• Skill development - Does a player practice enough to turn occasional luck into a regular expectation?

Actual games do little to improve a player's consistency. More benefit comes from working away from games through exercise and practice. If players want to become someone their team can count on, they need to take responsibility for developing their consistency.

The start of a new season often means a new coach. Over time, the different backgrounds and styles of each coach will work to benefit a child's abilities by providing fresh insights and approaches. Parents need to help the coach make the most of the limited time to create the best experience possible for their child. Parents also need to make sure that the coach is someone they want to instruct their child. There are 10 commitments that parents should expect out of a coach. Coaches should be committed to:

1. Safety - Putting player safety first. This means everything from refusing to play an injured player to forfeiting a game that has become unsafe.


2. Fun - Showing an understanding that a player's effort is often determined by the amount of fun involved.


3. Maturity - Positively handling the emotions of competitive play.


4. Sportsmanship - Demonstrating the right way to lose as well as to win.


5. Goals - Setting expectations for their players and for their team


6. Education - Helping kids better understand and play the sport.


7. Preparation - Spending the time to create organized and productive practices.


8. Communication - Explaining the details of player progress, skills, plays or games to players and parents alike.


9. Players - Demonstrating concern about players as individuals as well as about the team as a whole.


10. Passion - Generating a positive passion for the sport and for fair competition.

Most coaches will meet these commitment tests with flying colors. However, there may be occasions when coaches don't measure up. Then, parents must resolve the situation. Next week's newsletter will provide some thoughts on this issue.

Cal Ripken Jr. is one of baseball's legends and today players like Alex Rodriguex still look to him as one of their heroes. One of Cal Ripken's childhood stories is of how his Little League baseball team lost the regional final. Cal gave up a three-run homer and was the losing pitcher. After the game, all the players were crying and miserable, especially Cal. If they had gone home that day it would have been one of their worst memories. But as it worked out, the next day another team took Cal's team deep sea fishing. Cal had never done that before. It turned out to be a fun time and a great memory.

What would have happened if Cal had gone home the next day and continued feeling bad about the way he played? Would he have quit and not gone on to accomplish a championship career? Players can get too wrapped up in their mistakes and forget to focus on their accomplishments. Players learn from mistakes by understanding them and not by dwelling on them.